The BabyMama/BabyDaddy Drama Continues
I have heard so many people say "If you chose your soulmate as judiciously as you selected your selfies, you'd be happy right now...." That is absolutely true. Your present day dilemmas are directly related to the choices you made in your past. My FB timeline was flooded with so much baby mamma and baby daddy (I hate those terms, but they're fitting) shade yesterday. Everyone had their own little crisis spread about my feed for the entire world to air their opinions on. To say that I was disappointed is a vast understatement.
The reason you are unhappy today is because you chose to ignore subtle signs that told you who that person was way back then. Crazy does not happen overnight... and being a dead beat is a gradually learned behavior. There are little tells a person has in the beginning of a relationship that will let you know when to exit. For instance, if in the beginning of a relationship, the person you are dating can go a whole day without talking to you or texting and then the next time they talk to you they're asking for something. That action alone tells you one of 3 things. 1) You are NOT the only one he or she deals with, 2) He or she may not feel as strongly about the situation as you do, and 3) You are just a convenience. Most times 1 and 3 or 2 and 3 go hand in hand, whereas 3 by itself is easier to catch. Circumstance 1 is a complete deal breaker. Once you two as a unit have decided to commit to one another, all contact with side pieces must cease and desist. No more convenient conversation and no explanations needed. Just stop it all. Later should the situation go sour, you can pick up where you left off ... as if you lost your phone or lost all your numbers and "didn't realize who was calling until you saw the number on Facebook". Circumstance 2 just means you fell harder and faster than the other person. If the person you're into is worth waiting for then put a little effort in and wait. But if you are constantly having your heart handed to you by the same inconsiderate actions, then move on. In circumstance 3, you have made yourself too readily available far too early in the relationship. It's not a complete deal breaker, if the person your chasing is reciprocating the favors. But if you find that you are constantly giving and they are always taking, then you need to close up shop.
But how does that relate to choosing a parent to your child? Those are the same qualities of a dead beat and a lot of us choose to ignore the signs. Think about putting your child in those situations... not as easy to tolerate then huh? In fact from this point on every time your significant other does something to you that rubs you the wrong way, put your future children in that same situation. If you wouldn't mind your children being treated that way, then by all means continue. But if the thought of your children being left on the front steps of the school infuriates you... leave right now. Avoid the situation all together and don don't look back. Later on in life you will see that person giving hell to someone else and you'll be happy you did.
Another sign I tell people to look out for are the clothes in the car. The typical items left in the car, by a male or female, are hats, jackets, sweaters, sweatshirts and shoes. Should you get in your girls car and find a bra on the backseat or your man keeps a fully equipped gym bag and doesn't work out nor play basketball, run until Jesus tells you to stop! there are only two exceptions to this rule, one good and one bad. The good being the bearded gentleman. Being the meticulously groomed perfection that he is, he keeps an extra shirt or two neatly hung in his car, just in case his lunch filters through his man mane and lands on his shirt. At which point he feels the needs to change his whole outfit (we'll discuss the perfection of the bearded man in a later post). His need is perfectly normal and expected of the bearded man. The bad would be a woman who borrows her friends clothes.... I guess that's not all that bad. However, the number one reason a girl borrows her friends clothes is to go to the club. If she always has her friends clothes in the car than she always in the club. But even that is accepted if she has a small child.
The bottom line is you can't be mad at your child's mother or father for the decision that you made a long time ago. That person showed you who they were in the beginning. Whether lust or infatuation be the reason, you chose to ignore the signs from the start. So many of us are too quick to jump into a relationship and start a family with someone we barely even know. I personally have only dated someone I didn't know on one occasion. Needless to say it was a waste of time. But I didn't ignore the signs and I excused myself of my girlfriends duties as politely and painlessly as I could. To this day, I don't think he knows the real reason I left. But I didn't feel bad because less than a month later, he was giving his hell to someone else. I had moved on to better surroundings and have never looked back. And I love me for it!
-des
